It's three am and I wake up with that all too familiar pain in the middle of my stomach. That one that hits my sternum and feels like it goes straight through my back. That one that screams to me in my head, "NOOOOO! I will not let this happen again if I have any say!" As if I really had any say anyway. That is the pain I felt four times that sent me back to the hospital for four emergency surgeries, four in one month, the month that I got so down I didn't know if I would pull through. And it's back! Have I said "NOOOO!"
Well this horrific pain doesn't listen to me and it decided to revisit me in the middle of the night and then hang out with me all day yesterday (actually two nights ago, because last night as I was writing by computer crapped out!). By seven pm we were almost E.R. bound, but I was determined to not go. The only difference was all the other times I had this elusive symptom, I was throwing up and nothing was staying down. All through the day Wednesday I tried to eat, and it hurt like a mother *^$%*# after I ate, but I didn't throw up. I will admit I was very nervous in my always thinking brain of mine. "Oh no, do I have another herniated bowel? Is it a stricture in one of the anastomosis? Yea, say that word ten times fast! Is it a intussusception at my second anastomosis? Two words that were quite difficult to pronounce when I was on pain meds in the hospital trying to have a serious conversation with my docs. Well, all be damned if this is happening again!
Finally, I was in so much pain I started to retch, and retch, and retch until I could barely see straight. With that came pain relief and I slept through the night and I was good all day! Since May I have been improving daily, with a few set backs. It's been 5 months since I got out of the hospital and I've gained back 15 of the 26 pounds that I lost. So I shouldn't even go to negative town, but it amazes me how fast my "I'm doing great attitude" can be squished back down to "Oh no, I'm scared attitude" with one remote pain. It brings me right back to those four awful months. It's like PTSD! I feel like I'm healed and have moved on, and then BAM! Sucka, you think you're all better!
Well just in case I will check in with my surgeon. I have tried to take deep breaths and realize it's out of my control. I can only eat right, eat slow, take vitamins and drink fluids. The rest is up to God. In my opinion.
Well this horrific pain doesn't listen to me and it decided to revisit me in the middle of the night and then hang out with me all day yesterday (actually two nights ago, because last night as I was writing by computer crapped out!). By seven pm we were almost E.R. bound, but I was determined to not go. The only difference was all the other times I had this elusive symptom, I was throwing up and nothing was staying down. All through the day Wednesday I tried to eat, and it hurt like a mother *^$%*# after I ate, but I didn't throw up. I will admit I was very nervous in my always thinking brain of mine. "Oh no, do I have another herniated bowel? Is it a stricture in one of the anastomosis? Yea, say that word ten times fast! Is it a intussusception at my second anastomosis? Two words that were quite difficult to pronounce when I was on pain meds in the hospital trying to have a serious conversation with my docs. Well, all be damned if this is happening again!
Finally, I was in so much pain I started to retch, and retch, and retch until I could barely see straight. With that came pain relief and I slept through the night and I was good all day! Since May I have been improving daily, with a few set backs. It's been 5 months since I got out of the hospital and I've gained back 15 of the 26 pounds that I lost. So I shouldn't even go to negative town, but it amazes me how fast my "I'm doing great attitude" can be squished back down to "Oh no, I'm scared attitude" with one remote pain. It brings me right back to those four awful months. It's like PTSD! I feel like I'm healed and have moved on, and then BAM! Sucka, you think you're all better!
Well just in case I will check in with my surgeon. I have tried to take deep breaths and realize it's out of my control. I can only eat right, eat slow, take vitamins and drink fluids. The rest is up to God. In my opinion.
 |
| The first original surgery, then revised and partial gastrectomy |
 |
| Dumping Syndrome |
Friday update: Feeling great and plan on riding in the morning!
Tip of the Day: Feelings are just feelings; don't let those silly thoughts change your reality!
Comments
Post a Comment