For those of you that know me well, you know that I am the kind of person who speaks my mind. In fact, I have been told many of times that I should "keep that to myself", "you don't need to tell everyone about everything", or "I told you not to say that". Growing up I was told to be myself and be proud of who I was; you shouldn't have to pretend to be someone you're not. I guess I took that to heart and my parents seem to be pretty proud of me, I hope. So now I will try and get to the point! I can hear my kids right now saying, "Finally mom, move it along!"
DIVORCE.... My definition is it's crappy no matter what the circumstances and it leaves a life long scar on you. I'm not a psychologist, but I've been through a divorce, I am a child of divorce and I am a friend of many, many people who have been affected by divorce. I am a firm believer that if you can stay married and maintain a family unit, you should do everything in your power to do that. I'm not saying that I personally did that, this is coming from a woman who is 50 now, with three adult kids and 8 years of thinking, contemplating, counseling, praying, breaking down crying, and taking my responsibility for my part.
My parents got divorced after 38 years of marriage, and as a 30 year old I felt it was just as devastating to me, as I am sure my kids felt when their parents got divorced. (Paul and I) Oh dear! Am I supposed to be talking about this? I can already hear it, "That's not stuff you talk about!" Now, I will ask WHY? Probably because it brings up feelings that people would rather shove way deep down inside because it hurts! Which brings me back to, divorce leaves a lifetime scar. When you take your wedding vows it's suppose to be for life, so when it falls apart, no matter what the reason, it is hurtful, life altering, and it changes your life!
If you are an individual that has been through a divorce, than you know deep down inside that, that event, in your life altered your path in life and it changed you. Whether it was for the good or bad, you changed. Your memories changed, your physical living situation changed, and it not only affected you, but it affected everyone around you. I'm going to get deeper, so if you need ear muffs get them now....
My question is this. Why is it taboo to talk about the past memories you have with your ex (I hate that word)? Even if you were only married 1 year, 24 years, maybe you had kids together, it doesn't matter, 99% of people who got married at one time loved that person enough to get married! You might even loved each other enough to have children! I was blessed to have three beautiful children with my best friend at that time. So I ask, why does society think you should hate your ex? God forbid you speak kindly of them! Someone might take it wrong. Why should I, or anyone, unless you were abused, be angry at a person that was so significant in your life at one time? I'm 50, I was with Paul for 27 years, more than half of my living years and I have tons of great memories! So just because we no longer live as husband and wife, society, family, friends tell us we are supposed to dislike each other? I'm not only speaking of my situation, but "ex's" in general.
There's six points I'd like to make and then I'll leave the comments to you.
#1. Forgiveness, if not for anyone, is for YOURSELF. Take ownership for your part you played in a divorce and forgive yourself and forgive your ex. It takes two to get married and it takes two to fuck it up! (Sorry for the language mom and dad!)
#2. Whether your marriage was short lived or long, kids or no kids, that time in your life contributes to the person you are today. Don't forget it, and don't wipe it out, even if it makes you cry.
#3. If you can maintain the good memories, you will be healthier for it mentally and physically. Bitterness and anger breeds stress and sickness.
#4. You only live once, when you are on your deathbed can you say you tried to make amends? Sorry is a HUGE word, and it goes a long way if said genuinely. Treasure your past childhood memories, your past precious memories of your children when they were growing up, and if you can, treasure your "past" spouse.
#5. Love with all your heart, learn from your mistakes and hold everyone in your life, past and present, close to your heart. Life really boils down to relationships with people.
#6. Your current relationship will benefit greatly from a loving heart, not a bitter, angry heart.
God will never ask us to forgive someone for more than He has forgiven us for!
My memories I CHOOSE to love, and NEVER forget or shove them under a door!
DIVORCE.... My definition is it's crappy no matter what the circumstances and it leaves a life long scar on you. I'm not a psychologist, but I've been through a divorce, I am a child of divorce and I am a friend of many, many people who have been affected by divorce. I am a firm believer that if you can stay married and maintain a family unit, you should do everything in your power to do that. I'm not saying that I personally did that, this is coming from a woman who is 50 now, with three adult kids and 8 years of thinking, contemplating, counseling, praying, breaking down crying, and taking my responsibility for my part.
My parents got divorced after 38 years of marriage, and as a 30 year old I felt it was just as devastating to me, as I am sure my kids felt when their parents got divorced. (Paul and I) Oh dear! Am I supposed to be talking about this? I can already hear it, "That's not stuff you talk about!" Now, I will ask WHY? Probably because it brings up feelings that people would rather shove way deep down inside because it hurts! Which brings me back to, divorce leaves a lifetime scar. When you take your wedding vows it's suppose to be for life, so when it falls apart, no matter what the reason, it is hurtful, life altering, and it changes your life!
If you are an individual that has been through a divorce, than you know deep down inside that, that event, in your life altered your path in life and it changed you. Whether it was for the good or bad, you changed. Your memories changed, your physical living situation changed, and it not only affected you, but it affected everyone around you. I'm going to get deeper, so if you need ear muffs get them now....
My question is this. Why is it taboo to talk about the past memories you have with your ex (I hate that word)? Even if you were only married 1 year, 24 years, maybe you had kids together, it doesn't matter, 99% of people who got married at one time loved that person enough to get married! You might even loved each other enough to have children! I was blessed to have three beautiful children with my best friend at that time. So I ask, why does society think you should hate your ex? God forbid you speak kindly of them! Someone might take it wrong. Why should I, or anyone, unless you were abused, be angry at a person that was so significant in your life at one time? I'm 50, I was with Paul for 27 years, more than half of my living years and I have tons of great memories! So just because we no longer live as husband and wife, society, family, friends tell us we are supposed to dislike each other? I'm not only speaking of my situation, but "ex's" in general.
There's six points I'd like to make and then I'll leave the comments to you.
#1. Forgiveness, if not for anyone, is for YOURSELF. Take ownership for your part you played in a divorce and forgive yourself and forgive your ex. It takes two to get married and it takes two to fuck it up! (Sorry for the language mom and dad!)
#2. Whether your marriage was short lived or long, kids or no kids, that time in your life contributes to the person you are today. Don't forget it, and don't wipe it out, even if it makes you cry.
#3. If you can maintain the good memories, you will be healthier for it mentally and physically. Bitterness and anger breeds stress and sickness.
#4. You only live once, when you are on your deathbed can you say you tried to make amends? Sorry is a HUGE word, and it goes a long way if said genuinely. Treasure your past childhood memories, your past precious memories of your children when they were growing up, and if you can, treasure your "past" spouse.
#5. Love with all your heart, learn from your mistakes and hold everyone in your life, past and present, close to your heart. Life really boils down to relationships with people.
#6. Your current relationship will benefit greatly from a loving heart, not a bitter, angry heart.
God will never ask us to forgive someone for more than He has forgiven us for!
My memories I CHOOSE to love, and NEVER forget or shove them under a door!
Very nicely written and from the heart. Correction we were married for 38 years
ReplyDeleteOops! I will edit that! Thank you dad!
ReplyDeleteWell written. Loved the truthfull "rawness" of what you said. Loved the photos. ❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you Matt! :)
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